Run Away

I've recently started running again. Now, I'm not a hardcore runner, I don't train for marathons or anything, in fact I'm really not all that coordinated of a runner in general. But a few summers ago I was inspired to try and do something that I thought I couldn't do; thanks to a well-timed episode of Made, that thing ended up being running. At that point I didn't understand why anyone would run unless they were being chased, and even then I might opt to roll up like an armadillo and hope for the best. It seemed ridiculous; people thought "it just wasn't my style", I knew it would be a waste of time because I would want to give it up in a few weeks...this is exactly the challenge I was looking for.

I enlisted the help of some crazy runner friends who hooked me up with the right gear and the right plan and I was off! Well, sort of. My running plan had me start off with more walking than running, so it didn't seem like I was accomplishing much. But then, slowly but surely, one foot in front of the other, I was running. I finished my training plan and completed my first 5K. Then I did another one. Then I was going for a jog to clear my head after work. It was strange, this thing that seemed so impossible to me was beginning to feel natural, even kind of good. When I started getting sick I had to stop running, it just hurt too much. But as my health has improved, so has my outlook on returning to a running routine. My thoughtful roommate has upped the ante by registering us for a 10K at the end of August. A 10K?! I've never run more than 5K, it's only been about 3 months since I started feeling better, and if you give me some more time I can probably come up with more excuses as to why this IS NOT a good idea. So I have started a running plan again. I was thinking about this in two very different situations today, once when I wanted to run away, the other when I wanted to chase away.

The first situation has to do with two very close friends. They are in the midst of suffering so great I cannot even begin to imagine what they must feel like. As a couple they are faced with a situation that seems hopeless and yet they are finding a way to respond with faith, conviction and strength. In talking with my friend today I was struck by the little part inside of me that wanted to yell, "Run Away! This is too hard, it's too much and you don't even know what you're doing!" Of course I would never actually run away from my friends, but I had to have a moment of silent confession where I admitted that part of me wants relationships of convenience more than I want relationships of true sharing.

The second situation was very different. I was confronted with a woman who infuriated me. Here she was claiming to be a Christian but I have yet to see a Christ-like action or word come out of her. Self-absorption, ungratefulness, insensitivity, selfishness...I feel like that is all I see. I wanted to chase her away, get her poison away from my family. And while I would never actually, physically chase her away, I knew that my actions and words could very easily have the desired effect. The strange thing is, there was no confession after that. I didn't feel bad for the way I mentally reacted, I felt entitled to it!

On the way home, I considered both of these situations. As I drove and prayed (eyes open, of course) I thought about a conversation I had with a woman I met recently. She mentioned a video that our former pastor had shared with the congregation about a year ago. The video tells the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt, an amazing father and son team. Rick had complications at birth which have left him confined to a wheelchair and reliant on others for his care. After finding out that his son enjoyed the feeling of being able to participate in a race, Dick began to compete in races while pushing Rick in his wheelchair. Dick and Rick now regularly compete in marathons and Ironman triathlons; Dick doing the running, swimming and biking for the both of them while he pushes Rick in a wheelchair or pulls him in a boat. It's a beautiful and poignant picture of what it means to love someone, how to carry one another's burdens.

As I continued to think about this I knew that I would do any of that if it would give one moment of relief to my friends. If doing a triathlon would take away one step of this journey my friends are on, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would gladly gather the two of them together, set them safely in a cozy chair and push them through all of what they are experiencing. In fact I have prayed that this would happen. I ask God to let me carry them or at the very least teach me to walk alongside in a way that is meaningful and love-filled. I am in awe that my faith calls me to that kind of love, that it changes the desire of my heart from wanting to run away into wanting to run in-the-place-of my precious friends.

But then it gets hard. My faith also calls me to have the same response to the woman who make me so furious. It means that just as I desire to carry my friends, so should I desire to carry my enemies. The chair that I have reserved for my friends in need also must be available for the people who are self-absorbed, ungrateful, insensitive and selfish. It's a love that is so counter to everything I know, it is beautifully subversive. It seems impossible, but Christ tells me it is imperative. I don't know if I can do it, but with Christ's help, I will put one foot in front of the other and trust that what seems impossible will someday become natural.

Down & Dirty

Summer hit me today. The weather here in Chicago has been so hit or miss, I haven't really been sure what season it is; but today was summer. It was warm, people were out riding bikes, women were wearing fluttery summer skirts and guys started sporting boaters. While going for a little (and I do mean little!) jog before work I could smell the lilacs that are blooming down the street.

When I got home I pulled out the potting soil and did some planting. The little deck attached to my apartment is starting to look like quite the happening place! I'm not a natural gardener. I know some folks who just seem to walk by plants and they grow; I'm more the plant & pray type myself. And while I may not win any prizes, there is something so reassuring about planting things and watching them grow. I don't like to wear gloves, I appreciate getting some dirt under my fingernails. I like the softness of the dirt, the spidery roots of the seedlings. I love to see how something that is pretty on it's own becomes even more beautiful when it's put next to something else. I have some white begonias that are so lovely, but when they are added to a box with some pink petunias the white becomes even brighter, the subtle purple tone of their leaves becomes more noticeable and the petunias suddenly seem so lacy and delicate next to the sturdy begonias. They bring out the best in each other.

There is a reason that gardening is such a common metaphor for living in community. It's messy, it takes time for things to grow, sometimes you don't see progress at all. You have to know who needs what and how to best make each plant flourish without squelching the others around it. Things that look dead might be getting ready to bloom while things that look healthy might be laden with disease. You choose whether you want a perfectly manicured Versailles, or a wildly beautiful English garden. You can be the type of gardener who starts from scratch each season or you can be the type who shelters the bulbs in the winter and prunes the same rose bush your grandmother first planted. The stability and resilience of your garden are directly related to your investment of time.

After the enlightening time spent gardening it was time for dinner. I decided that to kick off my official recognition of summer, it was time to grill. I threw on some asparagus and sweet potatoes. I heated up some black beans with a few cloves of freshly crushed garlic. Strawberries for dessert, it was the perfect end to an imperfect but beautiful day.

Grilled Asparagus
1 lb asparagus, end snapped off
grapeseed oil (could use canola or olive oil, but they heat at lower temperatures)
salt
black pepper
red pepper flakes

After washing and snapping the asparagus, toss with enough oil to evenly coat all the stalks. Sprinkle evenly with salt, pepper and pepper flakes to taste. Grill over indirect heat until cooked through and with light grill marks. Mmm.

Grilled Sweet Potatoes
2 large sweet potatoes, cut into rounds 1 inch thick
grapeseed oil
limes
cilantro
salt & pepper

Brush the sweet potato rounds with oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place on grill for about 5 minutes per side. After removing the rounds from the grill, cut away and discard the skin (it should peel away easily) and cut the potatoes into large matchsticks. Place the potatoes in a bowl and toss with 1 tablespoon of oil, the juice of one lime and chopped cilantro. Serve warm.

Drenched

It was a simple mission. Just stop by Pier 1, pick up some pitchers and bowls for tomorrow's event and head back to work. A relaxing little trip in the middle of the day. I decided to drive over, thinking it was pretty windy and my treasures might be too heavy or awkward to carry back to the church. I got in the car and felt better already. I've been working on a project that I don't really enjoy which leaves me staring at the computer screen for hours on end, so the act of getting out of my office and into the world was immediately refreshing.

I drove over, found a spot down the street and parked the car. As I walked, I started to scold myself for focusing on the minutiae that drives me crazy instead of the dreams of "what could be" that rejuvenate me. I passed Fountain Square and stopped at the crosswalk to wait for the light. Then it happened. A shift in the wind, an extra big gust and I was drenched. The fountain jet, which is supposed to spray straight up, had been blown over just far enough to completely soak me as I stood waiting to cross the street. There was a moment where all I wanted to do was cry, I felt the tears burning my eyes. Then, all of the sudden, I started laughing. I imagined what that must have looked like to people passing by. I pictured myself on America's Funniest Home Videos with Bob Saget doing a voiceover play-by-play. I laughed so hard I had to sit on the edge of the fountain under a curtain of cold mist.

I think this is a good picture of how life has been recently. Things have been tough, really tough. I appreciate the concerned emails and reminders to post something for pete's sake! But it hasn't been right for a while, my mind has been empty and my thoughts are hazy, it wouldn't have worked. Then, all of the sudden, I'm walking around, minding my own business and I'm drenched. It's like getting caught in a downpour; you start off trying wait it out, or you run from overhang to overhang trying to dodge the drops, but eventually you just give in, let go and let it all get washed away. You end up looking kind of strange, but feeling brand new.

Funkytown

I haven't really been in a blogging mood lately. Often times I'm thinking about something all day and I can't wait to sit down and write it out, but lately my mind has been blank. I feel like I'm in limbo; I'm disengaged from everything around me. Good things are happening, there is excitement but I stay stuck in a funk. I've been feeling really good over the past few months so this mystery funk has caught me off guard.

There are a few things that might be contributing to my altered state. I moved about two weeks ago and am still not quite "settled", I've been working more than usual so I haven't really had a lot of time to connect with friends, I recently had a little relationship hiccup that was tougher than I expected, my prayer life is stale and uninspired. But more than anything else, the thing that has me reeling is the thought of changing the way I eat.

I realize that it was only five months ago that I was blogging about how the changes I was going to have to make in my diet were freaking me out...well, at least I'm predictable. I want to know what's wrong with me. I want to be free to eat a greater variety of foods. I want to move forward. But it's hard to move anywhere when your mind has a flat tire. Things are good, things are comfortable. Is the possibility of something better really worth losing something that is already pretty good?

How do you push yourself out of a funk?

Wanna Bet?

This is my last week as a sugar free, gluten free vegan. It's a strange thing to consider, but after a little more than four months of the freegan lifestyle I will begin to incorporate the foods that I have been doing without. Before you get images of me gorging myself on some sort of buffet of forbidden foods, let me explain.

I have completely taken cane sugar, gluten and all animal products out of my diet. I have also been drug free (pharmaceuticals, of course) for a little more than a month. I am currently symptom free and feeling fine. So now we begin to slowly introduce all of those things that I've been avoiding to see who might be the culprit.

So what exciting food item will I be partaking in first? Are you sitting down?...EGGS! I know, kind of a let down. And I don't even get to eat the whole egg, just the white. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.

This week I will be preparing mentally and physically to take the next step in finding a diagnosis for my bizarre symptoms. I will post more on what exactly that entails, but for now it means that it's time to place your bets!

Within a matter of months, (or possibly weeks!) we will know if any of these foods are the cause of my troubles. So what do you think it is; dairy, red meat, egg yolks, mollusks? Maybe I have some sort of bizarre reaction to a food combination like chicken with wheat gluten and a pinch of dairy. Be creative! If you can give me the correct diagnosis you will win a fabulous prize* and probably be asked to work at the Mayo Clinic because you figured it out when no one else could!

So hit me with your best shot. Now is your chance to do what you have been waiting to do since you've known me; answer the question, "What's wrong with me?"

*the level of fabulousness of the prize will be determined by Melody, so don't go thinking it's a plasma tv or something.

Soy-lent Green*

I realize that it may seem just as strange to some, but eating tofu is WAY better than eating people (at least I assume so, but I haven't ever eaten a person...). I know that it looks kind of boring, it feels rather squishy and it's creepy that one little block of goo can contain so much water. But tofu is a great ingredient, and if you can find ways to incorporate it into your diet (even if you are a meat eater) your body will thank you for it!

Hopefully after experiencing the joy that is Tofu Appreciation Week you are no longer on the fence about tofu, but sometimes it takes a while to change your mind. I used to think that I hated pesto. Everywhere I went, every cookbook I read people were raving about pesto! But then I came to realize that I don't like pesto when it's on pasta but I like it in all sorts of other things. It wasn't until I started making my own pesto and eating it on grilled veggies, roasted potatoes and drizzled over salmon (back in the old days) that I realized how delicious it really is.

So this recipe is taking a food I used to avoid and a food that you might still avoid and combining them into something fantastic. This is also a really easy way to hide soy protein in your diet without having to succumb to "eating tofu"...no one will ever have to know.

Tofu Pesto

4 ounces firm tofu
2 Tbs. vegetable broth
2 cups fresh basil
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbs. lemon juice
3 Tbs. olive oil
1/2 cup fresh parsley
1/2 tsp. ground pepper

Combine all the ingredients in a blender or food processor and pulse until smooth. Serve it on rice noodles, polenta, veggies or use it as a fresh salad dressing.

*If you don't know what soylent green is find out here. See? Talking about eating people was clever and funny, not gross and disturbing.

Piece of Cake

Ah, Friday. What a lovely day. Technically it has only been half a lovely day as we have been hit with thunderstorms tonight, but I can let that slide. I seem to be in a rather happy-go-lucky mood lately (wink, wink) so a little rain won't get me down! And what better way to spend a stormy night than making cheesecake!

Oh no, tofu is not all stir-fry and scrambles! Sometimes it is light, melty cheesecake. And when cheesecake is this healthy you can always have that second slice!

Lemon Cheesecake
from Nicole
1-14 oz package firm silken tofu
1-8 oz package Tofutti Better than Cream Cheese
2/3 cup sugar ( I substituted crystalized apple fruit sweetner to taste, but most of you will probably stick with sugar)
¼ cup lemon juice
½ tsp almond extract
2 tbsp cornstarch
1-9 inch pie crust ( I went crustless, and baked them in cupcake papers, that way they are single serving too!)

Preheat oven to 350F.
Place silken tofu and vegan cream cheese in the food processor. Process for 1 minute, then add sugar. Process until smooth and no sugar granules remain, 3-5 minutes. In a small bowl, combine lemon juice and almond extract. Whisk in cornstarch. Pour mixture into the food processor and process until very smooth. Pour into prepared crust and bake for 45 minutes.
Allow to cool at room temperature for 2 hours, then refrigerate overnight.
Serves 10